Hi Yassmin. I’m a 53 year old feminist Australian woman of colour, working in the arts, and a massive F1 fan from 2004 onwards. I’ve always been interested in what you have to say and your point of view. 😊
Thankyou for your writing in general and on this topic. I relate to your feelings of finding yourself alone when you thought you and your friends were not counting calories, and working together for a world that lets bodies be as they are in that moment.
As a contribution to your interest in your readers...When I describe myself as ordinary looking, someone will interpret that as a plea for compliment on some feature of mine "you have beautiful left ear lobe". I meant the conversation to go in a different direction....
Jasmine, that's so interesting! I can totally see myself doing that as well (offering a compliment, rather than moving the conversation in a different direction). I wonder how we can be better at this, at rewiring these cues...
!!!!! Thank you for sharing, Yassmin. I don't want to share so much but this resonated. I have recently gained some weight due to medication, and I am in a place where I would like to be 'lighter' to support in some of my running-focussed goals (I have a YouTube video on this). I have done so much work trying to work on anti-fat bias (e.g. not using "i'm feeling fat" to describe feelings of unworthyness) that i practically absorbed via osmosis as a young woman simply existing in early 2000s. I guess I do not take umbrage with individuals wanting to lose weight loss. But this is different to structural framings around fatness and its intersection with racism, ableism, classism et al. Ofc individuals make up structures, but I wonder in this conversation at dinner — did it seep into generalising language?
This section: "And you can’t be involved in the conversation without your own body being a silent member of the discourse. Your ability to speak on this topic depends so much on the body you present yourself in" eloquently conveyed a gut feeling I have had, when conversations have turned in this way, and I was the sole Black women in the room. I always say that my Blackness enters rooms before my womanhood does...thank you for putting into words a visceral feeling.
Thanks so much for your comment, temi, it's given me so much to think about. In terms of the dinner, you know - I don't even know that it went into generalising language, but more than I went into my own head (i.e. the conversation triggered a reaction in myself, that I found interesting and unexpected). And I guess this is also something I've been thinking about, how much our own conversations and narratives about weight impact the people around us. I've become much more cautious over time, esp since knowing folks w disordered eating / body dysmorphia, to not be so cavalier with how I speak about my body and my weight...because I never know how people around us are going to receive it.
Not a complete response to your comment, but the beginnings of a conversation, perhaps? Thanks so much xx
Kia Ora Yassmin ♥️ I hear people talk about diets and weight so much at work... it's not just women, a lot of the really harmful dieting ideas I've heard have come from men ("I only eat in an hour window, five days a week" was one I recently heard from a colleague,,, boy that is an eating disorder).
I think it can be useful to talk about how our bodies are *changing* (because change is normal) but without ascribing moral value to it - I gained weight when I started antidepressants and people were so weird about it that I'd just say "yeah, I gained weight! We can move on now."
I'm grateful to have people in my life who think about food and fitness as seeking genuine health and function, not a size or a body fat percentage. A lot of people I know at my dance studio have actually found that pole dancing has been super good for this - weirdly, nothing like being mostly undressed in front of a huge mirror while trying to deadlift your own bodyweight to improve your body image??? (The supportive and diverse community is a non trivial part of this, of course)
I am a white woman in my 40s and fat. I’m fairly fat positive. I’ve tried to shed the expectation to be smaller. My doctor prescribed ozempic for type 2 diabetes. Originally told me it was great for weightloss which I wasn’t interested in. He says I’m the only patient not interested in it. It took a year before I was willing to try it. I had four weeks and it did help control my sugars. Yay. But I was never able to get more. I spent months visiting pharmacies all over my city and being turned down. I would have to start from the Introductory dose again if I was to find it. Doctor prescribed a different injectable which seems to be working. I think there is some weightloss. And it does spark some old disordered eating thoughts from my youth. But I know that the general amount of weight loss seen with this is limited and still leaves me in the fat category.
I’m often involved in conversations where people are complaining about being fat. I have taken to responding with “do you think I’m the appropriate person for you to complain about this to?” and it usually will make them move on. But sometimes people get more defensive and the conversation goes weird.
i wish we lived in a world where all bodies were acceptable and that body types weren’t fashion trends. And I hope that I’m living my life in a way that makes it easier for others to embrace that
Appreciate you raising this topic so much! Constant conversations with fellow friends, particularly those who are AFAB, about this. I've noticed a rise in folks saying the body positivity movement is bad... that breaks my heart xxx big hugs
Hi Yassmin, I'm Constance - one of your newer followers! This is such an interesting and important topic that you bring up. I'm a relatively thin woman approaching 40, but I can distinctly remember the way I always felt "fat" during my late teens and early twenties in the 2000's. Then I moved to the Atlanta area in 2007 and went through a period of extreme financial precarity as the economy fell apart. Surprisingly, I suddenly became the "hot girl" ... because I couldn't afford groceries, had no car, and had to walk 2-3 miles every day. But when I'd bring up my 118lb weight on a near-6ft frame to doctors, they'd just tell me that I looked great and not to worry. I routinely fall between 185-200lbs nowadays. It's scary to think that this kind of normalized abuse & negligence has never really left us. I know that fatphobia doesn't affect me in the same way it harms those who are fat in the more political sense of the word, but I've really been trying to be a better listener and push back on these harmful narratives about beauty/desirability. My husband is diabetic, he's been on Ozempic for over 5 years, and it was shocking to me when I stumbled onto an argument on social media a few months ago where ppl were upset that a woman said doctors were irresponsible and negligent to be so loosely prescribing Ozempic to non-diabetics. Obviously I'm not a doctor but there's this sneaky way that fatphobia seems to be gaining ground under the guise of "not bullying" ppl who just want to "get fit" and instead being supportive of everyone's right to choose what size they want to be. Which, yes, that's great on paper. But where's the critique of societal pressures that are always shaping and molding the choices we make and WHY we want to be a certain size? That's (relatively) easy for me to say though, as a thin person. So I often just stand down in these kinds of conversations. Thank you for bringing it up anyway.
Hi Yassmin, yep, I have noticed this insidious return as well. I am also rewatching Friends for the first time as an adult (I was a teen when it was big) and cringing so hard at the rampant fatphobia. (It has other dated issues, but this is the most openly hateful one.) This all added to my extremely disordered eating as a teen and well into my adulthood. Now in my early 40s, and having come to be more at peace with my fat body (still a struggle but getting there) I have definitely noticed the old habits creeping back in to the populace, and as you say, to the very circles in which, until recently, I was comfortable and secure. I am definitely having to work harder at my own mental health surrounding this issue and sadly also having to limit or adjust my interactions with some people in order to keep as healthy as I can. Thank you for this piece, it made a lot of things click into place. I just hope we can make this cycle shorter and less damaging than the last. The likes of the Maintenance Phase podcast are doing great things but the weight loss industry and its related branches is such a powerful force. More talking about this aspect, as you are, is a great step towards at least helping those who are most vulnerable.
So appreciate you writing this - I’ve also really noticed a strong tinge of the 90s and early 2000s returning (the fashion along with!) - it’s not a place I want my mind and body to go back to and only hope it gets collectively waved off so that younger generations don’t have to struggle with disordered thinking about size, food and value.
Hi Yassmin. I’m a 53 year old feminist Australian woman of colour, working in the arts, and a massive F1 fan from 2004 onwards. I’ve always been interested in what you have to say and your point of view. 😊
I love this intersection of interests! We probably started following F1 around the same time! Thanks so much for introducing yourself :)
Thankyou for your writing in general and on this topic. I relate to your feelings of finding yourself alone when you thought you and your friends were not counting calories, and working together for a world that lets bodies be as they are in that moment.
As a contribution to your interest in your readers...When I describe myself as ordinary looking, someone will interpret that as a plea for compliment on some feature of mine "you have beautiful left ear lobe". I meant the conversation to go in a different direction....
Jasmine, that's so interesting! I can totally see myself doing that as well (offering a compliment, rather than moving the conversation in a different direction). I wonder how we can be better at this, at rewiring these cues...
Thanks so much for the comment!
!!!!! Thank you for sharing, Yassmin. I don't want to share so much but this resonated. I have recently gained some weight due to medication, and I am in a place where I would like to be 'lighter' to support in some of my running-focussed goals (I have a YouTube video on this). I have done so much work trying to work on anti-fat bias (e.g. not using "i'm feeling fat" to describe feelings of unworthyness) that i practically absorbed via osmosis as a young woman simply existing in early 2000s. I guess I do not take umbrage with individuals wanting to lose weight loss. But this is different to structural framings around fatness and its intersection with racism, ableism, classism et al. Ofc individuals make up structures, but I wonder in this conversation at dinner — did it seep into generalising language?
This section: "And you can’t be involved in the conversation without your own body being a silent member of the discourse. Your ability to speak on this topic depends so much on the body you present yourself in" eloquently conveyed a gut feeling I have had, when conversations have turned in this way, and I was the sole Black women in the room. I always say that my Blackness enters rooms before my womanhood does...thank you for putting into words a visceral feeling.
Thanks so much for your comment, temi, it's given me so much to think about. In terms of the dinner, you know - I don't even know that it went into generalising language, but more than I went into my own head (i.e. the conversation triggered a reaction in myself, that I found interesting and unexpected). And I guess this is also something I've been thinking about, how much our own conversations and narratives about weight impact the people around us. I've become much more cautious over time, esp since knowing folks w disordered eating / body dysmorphia, to not be so cavalier with how I speak about my body and my weight...because I never know how people around us are going to receive it.
Not a complete response to your comment, but the beginnings of a conversation, perhaps? Thanks so much xx
Kia Ora Yassmin ♥️ I hear people talk about diets and weight so much at work... it's not just women, a lot of the really harmful dieting ideas I've heard have come from men ("I only eat in an hour window, five days a week" was one I recently heard from a colleague,,, boy that is an eating disorder).
I think it can be useful to talk about how our bodies are *changing* (because change is normal) but without ascribing moral value to it - I gained weight when I started antidepressants and people were so weird about it that I'd just say "yeah, I gained weight! We can move on now."
I'm grateful to have people in my life who think about food and fitness as seeking genuine health and function, not a size or a body fat percentage. A lot of people I know at my dance studio have actually found that pole dancing has been super good for this - weirdly, nothing like being mostly undressed in front of a huge mirror while trying to deadlift your own bodyweight to improve your body image??? (The supportive and diverse community is a non trivial part of this, of course)
Same with the mega appetite on antidepressants!
And agree that if you focus on health and functional ability (rather than an aesthetic or look), you’re on the right track with fitness
I am a white woman in my 40s and fat. I’m fairly fat positive. I’ve tried to shed the expectation to be smaller. My doctor prescribed ozempic for type 2 diabetes. Originally told me it was great for weightloss which I wasn’t interested in. He says I’m the only patient not interested in it. It took a year before I was willing to try it. I had four weeks and it did help control my sugars. Yay. But I was never able to get more. I spent months visiting pharmacies all over my city and being turned down. I would have to start from the Introductory dose again if I was to find it. Doctor prescribed a different injectable which seems to be working. I think there is some weightloss. And it does spark some old disordered eating thoughts from my youth. But I know that the general amount of weight loss seen with this is limited and still leaves me in the fat category.
I’m often involved in conversations where people are complaining about being fat. I have taken to responding with “do you think I’m the appropriate person for you to complain about this to?” and it usually will make them move on. But sometimes people get more defensive and the conversation goes weird.
i wish we lived in a world where all bodies were acceptable and that body types weren’t fashion trends. And I hope that I’m living my life in a way that makes it easier for others to embrace that
Hah that video was gold. I think in Australia we sit somewhere in between: food is (mostly) obligatory at parties.
In the UK many friends will serve literally nothing but ice and mixers. Crisps if you’re lucky, but crisps do not a party make.
Appreciate you raising this topic so much! Constant conversations with fellow friends, particularly those who are AFAB, about this. I've noticed a rise in folks saying the body positivity movement is bad... that breaks my heart xxx big hugs
Hi Yassmin, I'm Constance - one of your newer followers! This is such an interesting and important topic that you bring up. I'm a relatively thin woman approaching 40, but I can distinctly remember the way I always felt "fat" during my late teens and early twenties in the 2000's. Then I moved to the Atlanta area in 2007 and went through a period of extreme financial precarity as the economy fell apart. Surprisingly, I suddenly became the "hot girl" ... because I couldn't afford groceries, had no car, and had to walk 2-3 miles every day. But when I'd bring up my 118lb weight on a near-6ft frame to doctors, they'd just tell me that I looked great and not to worry. I routinely fall between 185-200lbs nowadays. It's scary to think that this kind of normalized abuse & negligence has never really left us. I know that fatphobia doesn't affect me in the same way it harms those who are fat in the more political sense of the word, but I've really been trying to be a better listener and push back on these harmful narratives about beauty/desirability. My husband is diabetic, he's been on Ozempic for over 5 years, and it was shocking to me when I stumbled onto an argument on social media a few months ago where ppl were upset that a woman said doctors were irresponsible and negligent to be so loosely prescribing Ozempic to non-diabetics. Obviously I'm not a doctor but there's this sneaky way that fatphobia seems to be gaining ground under the guise of "not bullying" ppl who just want to "get fit" and instead being supportive of everyone's right to choose what size they want to be. Which, yes, that's great on paper. But where's the critique of societal pressures that are always shaping and molding the choices we make and WHY we want to be a certain size? That's (relatively) easy for me to say though, as a thin person. So I often just stand down in these kinds of conversations. Thank you for bringing it up anyway.
Hi Yassmin, yep, I have noticed this insidious return as well. I am also rewatching Friends for the first time as an adult (I was a teen when it was big) and cringing so hard at the rampant fatphobia. (It has other dated issues, but this is the most openly hateful one.) This all added to my extremely disordered eating as a teen and well into my adulthood. Now in my early 40s, and having come to be more at peace with my fat body (still a struggle but getting there) I have definitely noticed the old habits creeping back in to the populace, and as you say, to the very circles in which, until recently, I was comfortable and secure. I am definitely having to work harder at my own mental health surrounding this issue and sadly also having to limit or adjust my interactions with some people in order to keep as healthy as I can. Thank you for this piece, it made a lot of things click into place. I just hope we can make this cycle shorter and less damaging than the last. The likes of the Maintenance Phase podcast are doing great things but the weight loss industry and its related branches is such a powerful force. More talking about this aspect, as you are, is a great step towards at least helping those who are most vulnerable.
So appreciate you writing this - I’ve also really noticed a strong tinge of the 90s and early 2000s returning (the fashion along with!) - it’s not a place I want my mind and body to go back to and only hope it gets collectively waved off so that younger generations don’t have to struggle with disordered thinking about size, food and value.