It loves me, it loves me not

The millennial relationship with the internet, and me

Habibs, it’s good to be back!

I hope the turn of the Gregorian year was good to you. As mentioned in my last post, I ended 2023 running on empty, so I took some proper time off, eschewed my phone completely, slept as much as possible, and allowed myself to feel the full range of emotions my body wanted to take me through.

I don’t think a ten day break ‘cured’ me, much of what I am stressed about is outside my control. However, I do believe in the power of unstructured time. Oh, and the majesty of the ‘outdoors’ to restore the soul.

taken during the brief window of sunshine Margate enjoyed during the last week of December…

I come to you then, on this first Sunday of 2024, somewhat restored, somewhat more hopeful, and unexpectedly filled with joy at the thought of reconnecting with you, dear readers!

One of the words or intentions that revealed itself as a hope for 2024 was enrichment. When I think of enrichment, I think of moist chocolate cake and rich, fertile soil. I think of deepening and nourishing the connections with those I love and care about, focusing on what matters, coming back to my why. I think of ‘essence’; distilling my life back to the essentials, stripping back what saps away my energy and reveling in what is pure, joyful and true.

This space, darling readers, is part of that! Yes, I have amassed sizeable audiences on various other social media platforms over the years, but somehow, the larger the ‘follower number’ became, the less connected I felt to the individuals who made up that digit. I am hoping this space will remain different, carved out with more intention, and continue to offer genuine, rich connection, rather than simply being a broadcast channel for my thoughts (and books :P).

But even as I say that, I find myself feeling defensive of the other social platforms, which is a strange place for me to be. You see, while my relationship with the internet is complex, the internet is undeniably responsible for what my life looks like today. There is just no way I would have the life I have, the career I have, if not for the web.

I was born in 1991. I probably first logged onto the internet at about eight or nine, my engineering father introducing the world wide web into our household as soon as he could. I am a child of limewire and irc chat rooms and msn messenger and myspace and bebo and hi-5 and dreamweaver and blogging and rss feeds and yahoo email…

I was a late teen when I started my first blog. That blog was the reason I got my first writing commission, which turned into a book, which turned into a publishing career (Alhamdulilah). I don’t want to belabour the point here, but every single major turning point in my life - opportunities in F1, going viral far too many times, campaigning for Sudan, becoming a pariah, getting a film and tv agent - every single one of those moments was made possible because of the social web. I am deeply fond of the internet, and feel almost hurt when I hear critiques of it - even though I will be the first to gripe about all its problems! I am the first to point out the inherent biases of platforms, the problem of centralised, white American monopolistic ownership, the monetisation of our lives, the incentivisation of individualism, the attention theft, I know all about it, because like so many of us online, I’ve suffered the consequences, large and small. After all, I did say my life’s major turning points were because of the internet, I didn’t say they were all good.

But. The internet always felt like my place. It was where I developed a sense of style. Where I found my politics. Where I found inspiration, education, hope, laughter! I could always rely on the internet, when I was bored, or curious, or unsure. There were people out there, nerds just like me, who loved the borderless, digital landscape called the world wide web, and we made it our home.

Somehow, somewhere, I don’t know if it is that anymore. It’s changed, and I’m not the only one who has noticed it.

There’s the story about the ‘day the millennial internet died’. The ‘enshittification’ of Tiktok (and how platforms, generally, die). The one about how ‘nobody knows what’s happening online anymore’ (or how things are so fragmented there is no one internet, like there used to be). Or the one that claimed 2023 was the year ‘millennials aged out of the internet’.

(It’s almost funny that way millennials are dealing with the changing web is by penning think pieces online on geriatric news sites that may or may not be read, because of the nature of the internet they are grieving. Darkly poetic, in a way.)

But hey, I’m right there with these writers. I’m not sure how to deal with the changes - am I just getting old? Is it because I have less time than I used to, and the language of young people is no longer my argot? Does it feel so weird because millennials are the first ones to age out of the internet so we are the ones paving the way for this uniquely contemporary phenomenon? Or is there something structural shifting? Has it already shifted, without our knowing?

If I were

Anne Helen Petersen

, I might do a deep dive on this, write a long read and arrive at a beautiful conclusion. But I am no voice of a micro-generation (probably because only white people can be the ‘voice of a generation’, no shade to Anne!¹). I don’t know the answer yet. What I do know is that I don’t want to be scared of change. I don’t want to cede my space on the internet. I don’t want to feel left out of a world that once felt mine, the only place in the world where I felt like I belonged.

Is that possible?

I guess we will find out.

What is your relationship with the internet? Has it changed over the recent years? Am I out of my mind for wanting to defend the three dubble-yous?

---

New year, new banner! You know what it is folks, three recommendations connected to the theme for your reading/viewing/listening pleasure.

1. Podcast: What Is Rest, Anyway?

This podcast looks at the difference between leisure and laziness. A worthwhile listen, or you can read the transcript here.

2. Read: The Death of the Internet as a Haven for People With Autism

A piece on how the internet was a haven for people with autism, and how that has changed.

Despite the modern internet’s ahistoricism and self-cannibalism—the byproduct of its never-ending churn, a model built on destruction and dilution of its own past—it will forever be entwined and enmeshed with its autistic past, soul, and self. We are baked into its DNA: borderline extinct, perhaps, but preserved in the amber that is memes, shitposts, info dumps, deep dives, overshares, and cancellations, as well as the inventiveness, imagination, and the unprofitable and genuine otherness that defines this fundamentally divergent hive-mind we all cohabit.

3. Watch: The Best Grandma on Tiktok

She’s 93 years old. She’s got 12 Million followers, and maybe she’s proof the internet isn’t at death’s door just yet.

@grandma_droniaktheres a positive in everything

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

---

Thank you, as always for reading and supporting my work. Big shout out to my newest paid subscriber - Eman! As always, I am eternally grateful. As a freelancer of almost a decade, income from this newsletter makes the world of difference, and every little bit counts.

If you feel like you have the capacity to support my work, do consider upgrading to a paid subscription. If you don’t have the capacity to pay but do enjoy my work, why not share the newsletter with a few friends and encourage them to subscribe?

I shall leave you with a Tiktok that brought me a lot of joy… love human creativity!

@simply.tomboi#breakroomchronicles #makingbeats

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Until next time inshallah,

Yassmin

1. Culture Study by Anne Helen Peterson is one of my absolute favourite newsletters and you should most definitely check it out :)