33 Lessons at 33
Birthday reflections!
My favourite birthday ever was when I turned 12. It was the 3rd of March, 2003 - 03.03.03. What an absolute delight, I remember thinking. Sure, I still had to go to school, and being 12 was not *as* exciting as being 11 (another beautiful number) or 13 (finally a teenager!). But I am a big fan of patterns in numbers, and the rhythm of 03.03.03 tickled me rouge.
Today is another 03.03, and this time, I am turning 33. The age, my father would often say to me, that we will be in heaven. The age, apparently, that Jesus was when he died (just missing out on Forbes 30 under 30, but yallah). 33 has seemed to hold a significant power in my life, as a point at which I will have reached a ‘peak’, true adulthood, if not in my achievements, certainly in my character.
Fortunately, I’m grown enough now to know there is no peak to life per se, more constant, frustrating, frighteningly human evolution. So, in the spirit of such transformation, and reflecting my love of patterns in numbers, here are 33 of my reflections and lessons from the last 33 years of my life. Let me know if any resonate!
One is never too old to be a beginner.
One might be too old to enter the Olympics in a sport that one has never tried before the age of 30 though, Yassmin!
Despite what you think in your teens and twenties, the age of 30 holds no magical power. Life continues, and there is (inshallah) so much beyond that hill
Great friends, good friends, true friends are truly few and far between. Invest in them as carefully and intentionally as you would a romantic relationship or a share portfolio
Try not to judge others, sis. You never know when you will be in the shoes of the very person you are judging.
You cannot read people’s minds. People can’t read yours either. Do not assume they can guess what you want, or need.
It’s okay when you feel hurt that those you love cannot guess what you want and need. Feel the hurt, but do not let that stop you from communicating your needs.
You need to know your needs in order to communicate them! Spend some time figuring out what you actually need.
Sometimes people close to you will forget to message you or wish you a happy birthday. Give them grace, you forget to message sometimes too.
Most people make decisions from a place of fear. Try not to be that person.
Most people make decisions from a place of fear. Try not to judge them too harshly.
If you choose a life of value aligned work, activism, arts, do not expect to die wealthy. If you expect to be the exception, you are only setting yourself up for failure.
Consider, in your artistic work, how you can create the conditions for success. Do you need the right space? The right agent? The right colleagues? The right ergonomic chair?
Try to enjoy the actual process of writing. If the writing itself does not give you joy, or pleasure, or some sort of satisfaction, why are you doing it? Go back to engineering!
Or if it’s not engineering, find some alternative source of income. The pressure of earning a living from your art can suffocate you.
Don’t expect people to put their necks, or jobs, on the line for you, or a cause you care about. See above points re: people making decisions from a place of fear.
Some friends are for a season. Rather than being upset the season hasn’t lasted forever, remember it for what it was, a wonderful, if brief, period of your life.
Just as you change, people around you change as well. Allow the idea you have of people to change, do not hold them hostage in your mind to a previous version of themselves.
An engineering degree is never a waste of time.
Thinking for oneself is a genuine challenge. If it is important to you, expect to feel out of step with those around you.
A smile costs nothing. But…neither does a frown. Do with your face what you want.
You can live a different life to the one your parents chose. It is not any less legitimate.
You can feel proud of being independent and self-sufficient and still allow yourself to lean on others. It doesn’t erode your ability to look after yourself.
It is not always your fault.
Sometimes, it is your fault. When it is, be quick to apologise and make amends.
It does become harder to get back into shape as you get older. Ideally, don’t fall off the ‘exercise’ wagon, but if and when you do, because that is life, be gentle on yourself as you clamber back on.
Life is not meant to be a punishment. Try to not speak to yourself as judge, jury and executioner.
Inshallah, you have time. You might feel like everything needs to be done now now now now now, but inshallah, you will have more time.
Pay attention to who you are envious of. What about them or their life brings up that emotion for you? What does it tell you about what you want for yourself?
Do not confuse being a good friend or good host with bending over backwards and ‘people pleasing’. All that does is breed resentment in your heart. Learn to honour your own limitations so that you can be there for others in the best way for all.
Spend more time around those who see the best in you and who bring out your best self.
You will sometimes pray five times a day, sometimes forget to pray at all. Keep going back to the practice, you always feel better for it.
One day, inshallah, Sudan will be free.
Birthday themed recommendations feel a tad on the nose, so here are a few Sudan related recommendations.
Listen: BBC’s The Real Story: Panel on Sudan
A 45 minute conversation with some of the best English language analysts on Sudan. Have a listen to the podcast if you’ve wanted to get a sense of what’s happening but finding it all a bit hard to follow.
Read: The Continent’s Sudan Feature
Are you signed up to The Mail and Guardian’s weekly digital magazine, The Continent? Featuring reporting on the African continent by African journalists, it’s one of my favourite things to read in the week. Their latest edition features writing and photography on my beloved Sudan. Do check it out.
Watch: Boarders
It’s apparently the contemporary, Black version of the cult classic TV show, SKINS. A ‘a coming-of-age comedy drama centred on five underprivileged Black students who earn scholarships at an elite private school.’ Available on BBC3 (and internationally if you use a VPN). Have you seen it yet? What do you think?
PS: If you’re around this Friday, I’m on a Just Stop Oil virtual panel with a group of powerful activists. Join us!
That’s all from me this week. If you enjoyed this newsletter, or generally enjoy my writing, please consider upgrading your subscription (honestly, best birthday gift ever).
Otherwise, drop a comment - I love hearing responses from you wonderful people!
Until next week inshallah,
Yassmin
PS. Re your #2: Geena Davis took up archery & Almost got into the Olympics team. 🤷🏼😉
Happy Birthday Yassmin! Woohoo! You share your birthday with my dear nephew Remy- who writes raps, thinks deeply & repairs classic racing cars, drag racers etc because he didn't want to repair Subaru's or other cars that are all about software 😉. My brother even went to Summer Nats with him to bond. I gave him a copy of "Talking about ..." when it came out, bookmarked to your essay about cars.💖
33yrs is also significant to me for in May I will double that to 66yrs. 😳
In the last 1/3? of my life your list is as relevant to me as I keep learning new things. I wish I knew those things when I was 33. I can't even remember where I was - oh hang on. 1991, I had "made it" by working as an associate director for the Qld Theatre Company! Lol.
I am so grateful for all your words and here is my gift to you Yassmin:
Never feel like you have to "feed us" every week. I learnt that from Marcie Alvis Walker. If you need a break, tell us. Ask us to recommend things to each other that week.
May Allah bless you & your family.
May your tears be witnessed.
May you keep finding new corners of your heart to fill.
May you walk again one day in the land of your ancestors, either here or in paradise. 💖🙏💖